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Just a silly song about love...
and here comes the chorus
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28th-Jan-2014 05:04 pm(no subject)
So this is just a little space for me to put all my Zimbio quiz result thingies.

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31st-Dec-2013 01:25 pm - Fuck you, 2013!
Well... This year was an absolute fucking SUCK-FEST. Betrayal, lies, threats, concussions, root canals, useless hospital visits, psych ward fuckyoutimes, actual fucking natural disasters (well, one), and far, far too many deaths. I hated everything about 2013 and, though I have absolutely no hope for 2014 ('cause really, how will something like a new calendar date magically stop bad shit from happening?), I'm more than happy to not be in 2013 any more.

My nan reckons 2014 should mark the end of my seven years bad luck from when I broke a mirror on school picture day at the beginning of 2006. But I think her Maths are a little off, 'cause my bad luck should have ended a long time ago if that was the case.

Whatever. Here's my "five things" from this year - yeah, I upped the number to five. I wanted to add extra New Years Resolutions, but I kinda struggled with everything else. Particularly the "Five best days" one, 'cause wow. Fuck 2013. Seriously.

Five New Years Resolutions
1. Learn to cope with my illness. I doubt I'll be getting a solid diagnosis or a cure anytime soon, so I'd like to learn how to deal with it. I want to learn coping mechanisms for the times when I start panicking thinking I may die or at least pass out from the pain, and I want to stop being so worried about the possibility of fainting again.
2. Work on my appearance. First off, I want to reach my ultimate goal weight. Then, I want to get the breast reduction I've been wanting since I was, like, ten years old. I may also get a tan and a tattoo this year... maybe. Eventually, I'd like to get braces (even though my dentist said I don't need them), a nose job, and surgery to get deep, even dimples on both of my cheeks, but that might take a while yet, I doubt I'll get any of those done this year.
3. Get my Certificate II in Japanese. Gonna be a bit difficult considering TAFE no longer offers the course. Will have to look into getting it somewhere else - hoping I can continue instead of having to start over.
4. Finish my HSC at TAFE.
5. Stop taking sleeping pills. Ideally, I'd like to be able to sleep without any medication at all, but I don't think I'd be allowed to go off Mirtazapine or Seroquel. Every night, I take one Mirtazapine, two Seroquel, and a sleeping pill (taking an EXTRA sleeping pill if all that won't do the trick!). I want to cut myself down to just the Mirtazapine and, ideally, if my GP says it's okay, one Seroquel instead of two.

Five best days of this year
1. Uh... Wendy coming back to visit before she left to go to back to Vic-fucking-toria in January.
2. The day I had my first root canal appointment and my infected tooth stopped hurting, letting me sleep all night afterwards. Yeah, this year sucked SO fucking much I'm actually including "the day I got a root canal" as one of the best days of the year, what the fuckity fucking FUCK!
3. When Wendy came over at the beginning of December.
4. Christmas Day. It's not like Christmas 2012 would be hard to beat (FUCK that day was awful), but I honestly did have a good time. Plans were made for Christmas lunch at pop's with my Nanna Mc, and the usual trip to Sydney, and I thought it would be too much for me but I managed it and got to see my family <3
5. Hahahahaha 2013 really fucking sucked, I seriously can not think of a fifth. Uhm... Here's hoping tonight (New Years Eve) will be okay, at least?

Five things I learnt this year
1. Trust nobody. Wow, stark contrast to the first time I filled one of these things out, where the first thing I'd learnt was to trust people a bit more.
2. Long distance relationships... Well, they can work out really well if you're really supposed to be with each other, and nobody in the relationship a cheating, lying, emotionally manipulative fuckwit. But mostly, it's just a lot of hard work for very few good moments. For me, my first long distance relationship was really, 100% not worth it at all.
3. "One shade works for all skintones" = LIES. Same with "One size fits all" when it comes to those Genie/Ah bras. More like "one shade works for all shades of bright orange" and "one size fits everyone with a cup size from C to D".
4. Apparently, wearing black on New Years is bad luck. I know, I don't usually care about things like that, but with how traumatisingly horrifying 2013 was... I'm going to need all the good luck I can get, so... (Also, saying "rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" first thing in the morning on the 1st of January is supposed to be good luck).
5. I have really poor long distance eyesight. Which sucks, because I swear my vision was absolutely perfect before I got sick.

Five things I did for the first time this year (and liked)
1. Breaking off a toxic friendship. Several, actually - it's the first time I've done this since I started high school - but hey, even at my first high school nobody acted as petty and disgusting as CERTAIN PEOPLE I won't even mention.
2. Uhm... Fuck, I dunno. Um... Got a smart phone?
3. Watched a livestream of an AKB48 Senbatsu Sosenkyo. Oh, and watched the livestream every day for Request Hour 2013. (Also watched the graduation livestreams, but I'd done that for the first time in 2012 for Maeda Atsuko's graduation._
4. Uhm... Got into the whole Gacha thing on Second Life.
5. Electric cigarettes. Pity the one I got (the "E-Vapour") is the shittiest thing ever, you can use it for like ten minutes before you have to recharge it again for several hours. I tired to return it to the shop I got it from, but they said they weren't giving any refunds any more 'cause so many people requested them 'cause they're so fucking shit. Ugh. Still, I liked the flavours, particularly chocolate and tobacco. Apple flavour was disgrossting as fuck, though. Blegh.
maiko-i don&#39;t hate you
It was the shortest amount of time he's stayed here for - a little over a week. His plane from San Diego to Sydney was delayed by a day, so he and hundreds of other Sydney-bound travellers had to stay at the airport until the next one came. They didn't even get a hotel for Tom to stay in for the night! I was REALLY pissed off when I heard that. They gave him - and the other passengers - food vouchers so they could get something to eat... food vouchers that weren't valid in most of the shops!

I honestly don't know how Tom could stand it. I know I'm a wreck when I haven't slept for more than a day, or if I've had to wait at the E.R. for up to ten hours. I couldn't stand going from one plane ride, to finding out I'd have to wait a whole day for my flight, then not having a proper meal, then finally going on a plane to another country. I don't think I could have even done that when I was healthy!

(By the way, just to let you all know, the airline was called United Airlines, and Tom says he's never buying a flight from them again.)

We booked a shuttle bus for him, 'cause my pop's on holidays in Queensland and my nan can't drive to Sydney. The plane arrived in Sydney an hour later than it was supposed to - on top of the whole 24 HOURS - and Tom almost missed the shuttle bus. But they waited for him, thankfully, and he arrived at my house around midday on the 4th.

I was very sick this time around, so we didn't get to go to all the places and take a whole album worth of photos. Honestly, I was kinda stressed about this... I knew people were expecting a bunch of photos, and despite me telling certain people that I wasn't feeling so well this time, people kept telling me to take Tom to all these different places. We did go to see two movies, and we went down to the lake at the bottom of my street a couple times too. I tried to go shopping with Tom one day, I knew I wasn't up to it, but I pushed myself and that turned out to be a very stupid thing to do - I had to stop in the middle of the shopping centre and we had to turn back and look for nan's car in the freezing cold, while I felt like I was going to pass out.

Still, Tom insisted that he was totally fine just staying at home in bed and watching Stargate SG-1 with me. I believed him, too, but I felt like I was letting everybody else down. I also kept thinking about what Tom went through to get here, with the plane being delayed and how much the ticket cost. I dunno. I feel like such a failure, but I'm really glad I've found someone who understands that I'm sick and sometimes can't do things. I just wish everyone else understood that.

We're not sure when will be coming back. Hopefully he'll be back for Christmas. If he arrives a few days before Christmas day, I'd really like to go see the Christmas lights at the Hunter Valley Gardens with him :-)
25th-Jun-2012 09:39 pm(no subject)
Y'know, despite still being sick, very tired from lack of sleep, running out of pain medication and sleeping pills, feeling kinda down about my appearance, and still feeling a little sad that my friends didn't even think to invite me along with them to Supanova even though I'd have been too sick to go anyway (and feeling kinda annoyed that only two of them have really bothered to keep checking in on me since I got sick), I actually feel okay today.

Oh! Tom's feeling much better, by the way. They did the gallbladder surgery, and the first week or so after the surgery, he got so much worse, I was starting to worry. But then about two weeks later he improved so much, now he's almost back to full health! <3

I will get better, too. I will continue to fight for a diagnosis and some help recovering from whatever this is. I can't remain sick forever, right? My soon-to-be father-in-law has suggested I travel to the U.S. by ship instead of by aeroplane, as one of my worries was that I can absolutely not sit up for long periods of time. That way, I can go to a U.S. hospital and get to see a real doctor, not an, as he calls it, "witch doctor", lol. I also really want to meet my fiancé's family, they've been so nice, and really supportive during this illness.

I consider myself extremely lucky. I am. I might have got the super-short end of the stick health-wise, but I have so many people who love and care for me. I'll always be grateful for that.
25th-Jun-2012 09:25 pm - What Pokémon am I?
We all live in a Pokémon WorldCollapse )
25th-Jun-2012 09:14 pm - Found my DS last week!
It had been missing for months - I found it in the bottom of one of the boxes from when we moved in February.

I also bought Pokémon White on Thursday! If you play, my friend code is 0819-9919-119. I also play Animal Crossing: Wild World, my friend code for that is 3826-4686-7249. Feel free to add me on either game! Let me know you're a Livejournal friend though, okay? 
27th-Apr-2012 07:26 pm - Pony Personality Test

My little pony, my little pony, aaaah...Collapse )
27th-Apr-2012 07:10 pm - So, my fiancé's gotten sick too...
He's been sick for a little longer than a month. Same symptoms as me, all of them, including the mysterious pain in the joints. Because he lives in the U.S., they did all the tests they've done for me over the course of one year, in a couple of weeks, and they've also done the HIDA test that doctors here are absolutely refusing to do. But like me, his illness is a mystery, they've found nothing.

He's got an appointment in about a week or so to discuss whether he should have surgery to get rid of his gallbladder and appendix. I have my fingers crossed that they won't say no... I mean, he pays for his medical care, I don't think they can deny his requests? I'm not sure how it works over there, but where I live, they can and will deny it if it's not an emergency, life-saving procedure. 

This is literally my worst nightmare. Since I got sick, any time anyone I love has gotten sick, I've been so worried that they won't get better, like me. And now it's come true, it's happening, it's my biggest fear come true. I have trouble sleeping at night, every time I try to relax my thoughts go to him and I'm, like, jolted awake. I blame myself. I can't explain why, I just do. I got sick, and now he's sick. He kept saying he wished he could take my illness from me, and now he has it.

One thing I don't understand is why so many young people have gotten sick over the past few years with a mystery illness that never goes away, that nobody can diagnose. All the friends I've made on Tumblr and elsewhere with the ~undiagnosable stomach illness~, I haven't met one who was sick before 2009. It's weird, and I don't understand why nobody is looking into the possibility of a new illness. It sounds silly, but there's nothing else that can explain all these teens-and-twenty-somethings suddenly having the same stomach problems AND pain in their joints.

I really hope they get rid of the gallbladder and appendix and it makes him feel better. I'm worried sick (sicker than usual) about him. He's my Tom, he can't fall apart. I know I said I felt so alone in my illness, but this is not what I wanted. Not what I wanted at all.
17th-Mar-2012 02:37 pm(no subject)
Which is your favorite of the seven dwarfs?

Can I just say how much I love that today's Writer's Block is about one of my favourite movies? <3

To answer the question...

Bashful is my favourite :-)
15th-Mar-2012 08:11 pm - Scarves: The Hunger Games
district 6, the hunger games
"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be EVER in your favour!"

My second set of scarves :-) I decided to do The Hunger Games districts... I know, there's already a few different sets of these scarves, but I thought I'd have a go at making some with the District seals in the middle. If you notice any mistakes or anything like that, please let me know, either comment or send me a message - I'd really appreciate it!

Feel free to edit these as you need, but please leave the link if you can, so other Hunger Games fans know where to find them :-)

[District 1: Luxury]

[District 2: Masonry]

[District 3: Technology]

[District 4: Fishing]

[District 5: Power]

[District 6: Transportation]

[District 7: Lumber]

[District 8: Textiles]

[District 9: Grain]

[District 10: Livestock]

[District 11: Agriculture]

[District 12: Mining]

[The Capitol]

[The Capitol]

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